so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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