I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
