im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
