I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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