Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
