I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
