While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
