Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
