i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
