I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
