Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
