You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
