it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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