i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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