I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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