I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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