chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
