literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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