i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
