Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
