I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
being pregnant is like rehab
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
