i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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