I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize