I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
