i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
