Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize