My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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