do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
