i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize