I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
