Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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