You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
