I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
