Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
