Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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