I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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