I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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