Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
