i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize