overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I will pee on everything he values.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
