Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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