I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
