I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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