yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
