My room smells like vodka and shame
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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