Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
