the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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