Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
