My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize