I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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