i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
