3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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