i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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