I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
