I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
