Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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