but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
