I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
