i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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