so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
