just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
