I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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