That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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