Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
