Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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