We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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