What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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