How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
