Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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