i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
