Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
