cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we're making bets on your personal life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
