alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
