wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
